Taking the Leap

When I burnt out at the end of 2021, I was a shell of myself. I had shingles. I was experiencing anxiety attacks. My brain felt so tangled and so lost. I didn't care about the things that used to bring me joy. It was a state of existence I had never felt before. I felt heavy shame for what I was experiencing. I didn't recognize myself and I didn't know how to start feeling better.

The best idea my wife and I could come up with was going getting away for an extended period of time. I've always loved Latin America, having traveled there over 40 times since undergrad, so it felt natural to head to Costa Rica for a month. We stayed at a surf and yoga retreat, where our days were filled with 1:1 surf coaching, daily yoga practice, and meaningful, distraction-free conversations with other guests from all over the world.

As the month went on, some things started shifted for me. I felt my brain starting to untangle. I was experiencing joy again in ways I hadn't felt in so long. I slowed down, starting the process of tuning into what my body and mind were telling me.

I sat in the silence.

As I did that, some questions surfaced that I couldn’t keep running from.

• Why was I working so hard at something that didn't hold any real meaning for me?

• Was the way I defined success - the promotions, the deals closed, the airline and hotel status - really aligned to who I am and what I care about?

• What would happen if I stepped away from it all and charted a different path?

For the first time in my life, I didn't try to silence my intuition by thinking.

I just sat and listened, trying my best to not pass judgment on what surfaced.

It was hard. Really hard.

I was at a crossroads.

Do I push these feelings back down, ignore them, and just be grateful for what on the surface appeared to a great path? Or do I listen to what's surfacing and trust that there's a world of possibility if I learn to shed everything I've created?

In the moment, I didn't feel like there was much of a choice to be made. The physical symptoms of things like shingles and anxiety attacks were because I had shoved so many feelings down and tried to compartmentalize. I knew I couldn't keep going forward like that.

The biggest risk for me wasn't walking away from a great career path and financial security. The biggest risk was not listening to what I knew was a deep-seeded truth that my work was not aligned with who I was as a person.

I knew I had to quit my job.

 I just didn't know what was next.